


too long since i've been a fool

by tinyyy



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 12:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8208775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyyy/pseuds/tinyyy
Summary: Chanyeol feels something weird and funny in his stomach whenever he sees Kyungsoo with another guy. Chanyeol convinces himself that it’s nothing and dismisses the fact that he may be catching feelings for his flatmate.





	

**Author's Note:**

> written for the [exohousewarming](http://exohousewarming.livejournal.com) fic fest! c:

Chanyeol didn’t want to admit it, but he’s kind of having a bad day. 

He accidentally dumped in two teaspoons of salt, instead of sugar, in his coffee this morning and their internet connection was extra slow just when he had to email the final track list for this week. (He should really read the script earlier from now on, so that he wouldn’t panic when their internet decides to fuck up again.)

And just when things couldn’t get any worse, he just had to be dumb and accidentally overwrite A Very Important save file on the current video game he’s playing. Chanyeol just wants to _cry_. But he won’t, because he is a grown ass man who doesn’t shed weak unmanly tears. But this semi-shitty day will be alright soon enough, because Kyungsoo – his flatmate slash best buddy in the entire universe – is coming back in about an hour and they’re going to make the best _kimbap_ rolls the moment he gets home. (Which probably means that Kyungsoo will make most of the _kimbap_ and Chanyeol will just eat it all afterwards.)

Chanyeol’s phone vibrates on the small coffee table by the couch just when he is about to throw the console controller and give up entirely on the game. 

**from:** kyungsoo   
Will be home a bit late. Go ahead and have dinner, don’t wait for me.

Something washes over him so quick, like a sudden whiplash of mixed emotions. He can’t put his complicated feelings into words or even translate it into his own thoughts, but the slight pang is somewhere in his chest. Chanyeol stares at the text message for about ten seconds before surrendering into defeat and wailing out the ugliest crying noises. Maybe he is kind of having a bad day.

 

Chanyeol only puts an effort into cooking when he’s cooking for him and Kyungsoo, because the pressure is so so so real when Kyungsoo eyes him from their living room while he’s chopping up something. It’s as if he’s on Masterchef Korea every time he catches Kyungsoo’s eyes squinting at his knifework from afar, already judging his dish even if he hasn’t served it yet. And since Kyungsoo is the better cook between the two of them, Chanyeol also feels an uncontrollable smile forming on his lips every time he earns Kyungsoo’s praises for the meals he prepared. But when Chanyeol has to eat all alone, then a cup of instant ramen and a small plate of cold kimchi would be fine. 

The door to their flat opens just when Chanyeol’s peeling off the lid of the ramen cup.

“Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol calls out a bit too enthusiastically, like an overly happy puppy wagging its tail at its owner.

Kyungsoo looks at him with his wide eyes, his hair disheveled from the cold winds outside. “Hey Chanyeol,” he greets in return as he takes off his shoes. “I brought a friend. This is Yixing.” He announces, a tinge of hesitation in his voice.

“Oh.” Chanyeol replies and cranes his head to take a look at their visitor. Chanyeol channels his inner cool guy persona and greets him with a very cool “Sup?”

“Hi.” Yixing smiles at him with the cutest dimples that could probably get rid of all the evil on earth. He then trudges forward along Kyungsoo’s side and slings an arm around the smaller guy. “What do you mean _friend_?” Yixing questions Kyungsoo in lightly accented Korean, playfully blowing on Kyungsoo’s ear, before they flop down on the couch.

Chanyeol’s breath hitches as he waits for Kyungsoo to punch Yixing in the stomach – because you can never just blow on Kyungsoo’s ear like that and get away with it. But Kyungsoo’s attack never comes. Instead, he sees Kyungsoo leaning a bit too comfortably on Yixing’s side. 

Chanyeol loses his appetite a bit.

“Yixing will just stay here until the rush hour dies down.” Kyungsoo announces from the couch. He eyes Chanyeol’s dinner before flitting his gaze back to his face. 

“Sure, sure.” Chanyeol says coolly before slurping down some of the soup, even if he’s suddenly not so hungry anymore. He almost embarrasses himself, almost yelps because the soup is too hot and he’s got tears in his eyes. And then all at once, after Chanyeol saves his burnt tongue with gulps of cold water, Yixing slings an arm around Kyungsoo’s small shoulders, suddenly leaning close and whispering something to Kyungsoo. Chanyeol almost feels like he’s intruding on something so intimate and the funny, the weird feeling in his stomach is just getting more intense.

Maybe he should just eat in the quickest way possible, preferably without choking on his noodles. It’s kind of hard for him to swallow the warm instant noodles, not when the smile on Kyungsoo’s mouth kind of ties his stomach into a mess of knots and _oh_. Yixing gives Kyungsoo a quick peck on the cheek. Chanyeol would’ve probably missed it if he weren’t staring so blatantly. Kyungsoo lightly punches the side of Yixing’s arm, eyes squinting and lips curving into a smile.

_Oh_ , they’re dating. Kyungsoo and Yixing are dating and Chanyeol kind of feels dumb to have only noticed it now. He also feels weird because within the depths of his feelings, there’s a tinge of… disgust? He’s not quite sure, but he feels _something_ every time his flatmate’s eyes sparkle at Yixing, and seriously, Chanyeol shouldn’t be feeling this way. Just because he’s extremely straight doesn’t mean he has the right to feel grossed out by his flatmate who isn’t.

So he gulps down the rest of his meal, eating as much as he could, and it’s the first time that he couldn’t finish a small cup of instant ramen. It’s also the first time Chanyeol feels a concoction of disgust and anxiety at the pit of his stomach just by looking at Kyungsoo, who’s looking at another guy. Chanyeol’s own feelings scare the shit out of him.

 

Yixing goes home after an hour of cuddling with Kyungsoo on the couch, making sure to give another dimpled smile to Chanyeol before leaving. With pink gloves on his hands and soap suds splattered on his forearm, Chanyeol beams at him and wishes the nice guy a safe trip home. His hands are currently washing the dishes which piled up the whole day, but his mind is somewhere else. For all he knows he’s supposed to be making _kimbap_ rolls with Kyungsoo, not having homophobic tendencies on a Friday night and mentally cursing himself for doing so.

There’s the sound of the door closing, and it takes Kyungsoo about two heartbeats before he asks, “Are you okay?” 

Chanyeol suddenly feels a lump in his throat and he forcefully croaks out a, “Yeah, I’m okay.” He’s lying. It’s ridiculous how Kyungsoo can read him too well sometimes. Chanyeol just wants to hide at this very moment because he’s so guilty for being disgusted when all his best friend did was casually bring a guy to their shared apartment. It’s not even the first time Kyungsoo has brought home a guy and it’s not like Chanyeol still needs some time to accept Kyungsoo’s sexual orientation, because he already did, years ago. Right after Kyungsoo came out to them during college, Chanyeol just accepted him with open arms and a bone crushing hug to match. Chanyeol is just so bothered and kind of angry at himself, so he quickly washes the remaining dishes so that he could just go to his bed and curl up and just silently wail in his misery.

Suddenly, Kyungsoo slides up next to him, in front of their tiny kitchen counter, and begins to lay down some vegetables on a chopping board. “You don’t look okay.” He says, leaning closer to Chanyeol, invading his personal space, just to wash a cucumber and a carrot.

Chanyeol ignores the loud beating in his chest and just hums in reply, in the most nonchalant way possible. “I told you, I’m okay.” He gives the smaller boy a tight smile, and Kyungsoo just blankly stares at him return. And it makes Chanyeol squirm because Kyungsoo is probably trying to read him at the very moment. The worst part is that when it comes to Kyungsoo, Chanyeol is an open book and he’s so damn defenseless every single time.

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything though, and just continues working in silence. He proceeds to slice the vegetables, his analyzing eyes drifting away from Chanyeol and focusing on the chopping board instead. 

“Take off your gloves and help me make _kimbap_.” Kyungsoo’s voice disrupts the quiet after a few minutes, and it’s as if everything suddenly shifts back to normal. 

A grin finds its way to Chanyeol’s mouth, and a chuckle escapes from his lips. “I don’t want to.” He jokes, but he takes off his gloves anyway.

Kyungsoo stops slicing the vegetables and glares at him. 

“Just kidding. I’ll cook rice.” Chanyeol quickly mutters. He suddenly feels warmer even as his stomach stays feeling kind of weird, but it’s a different kind of weird from before. The _kimbap_ will surely make up for the slightly bad day he had to go through.

 

\- - -

 

On weekends, Kyungsoo likes to buy groceries at ten in the morning. It’s definitely two hours too early for Chanyeol, because arriving at the grocery store at 10AM means that Kyungsoo will forcefully wake Chanyeol up at around 9AM. It also means that Chanyeol has no choice but to wake up and get ready because Kyungsoo usually pulls him out of his bed, literally. He’s still having war flashbacks to that one time he almost hit his head on the floor, when Kyungsoo basically transformed into Hulk and used too much force on him.

They go through different aisles together, Chanyeol pushing the cart and Kyungsoo reading his grocery list from a small post it. They stop at the vegetables section and Kyungsoo takes his sweet time to pick the best carrot. He scrutinizes every single one of them, eyes squinting through his glasses. An old lady is right next to Kyungsoo, also investigating the vegetables one by one, and the similarity is so evident. Chanyeol purses his lips tightly to keep a chuckle in.

Sometimes the Sound Editor within Chanyeol’s soul won’t leave even in the most mundane moments of life – like for example, when he’s at the grocery with Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo is walking towards him with heaps of vegetables in his arms, looking straight at him, and Chanyeol _hears_ this serene melody mainly played by a piano or maybe an acoustic guitar. 

“What are you looking at?” Kyungsoo furrows his brows at him, and the music in Chanyeol’s head still won’t stop playing.

Chanyeol grins. “Nothing.”

Kyungsoo playfully punches him in the gut, and Chanyeol’s not sure if Kyungsoo’s punches are getting weaker or if he’s just immune to them by now. “Stop being weird in public.” Kyungsoo warns him, his lips slowly curving into smile, and Chanyeol hears the instrumental a bit louder than before.

Kyungsoo tugs at Chanyeol’s sleeve, pulling him to the side and signaling him to make way for the elderly couple who’s about to pass by them. Maybe Kyungsoo would be grumpier when they grow old, maybe he’d be slower and more meticulous in picking out his vegetables. Chanyeol bets that Kyungsoo would still drink three cups of coffee a day even if he’s way too old to do so.

“Remind me that we have to stop by the bakery later,” Kyungsoo interrupts his train of thought as he walks forward slowly, letting Chanyeol catch up to him with their cart. “I want croissants.” He mutters, mostly to himself, while seriously typing on his phone.

The music that’s been embedded into Chanyeol’s mind suddenly fades into an abrupt halt as he catches a glimpse of Yixing’s name on Kyungsoo’s phone and the small smile on Kyungsoo’s lips.

 

The grocery is a ten-minute walk from their flat but it rains on their way home. Neither of them brought an umbrella, and now they’re under the porch roof of a bakery with their hands full of paper bags. Chanyeol regrets pointing out the coffee sale in the grocery, otherwise Kyungsoo wouldn’t have bought around eight bottles of latte and Chanyeol wouldn’t be carrying all of them right now. 

“Yixing’s agency wants him to work in China.” Kyungsoo breaks the silence. It immediately cuts off Chanyeol’s thoughts about bottled instant coffee. Kyungsoo isn’t even looking at him; he’s looking at the rain pelting on the ground with downcast eyes.

“Oh,” Chanyeol replies, adjusting the paper bags in his arms to balance their weight. “So what’s gonna happen?” He asks. _What’s gonna happen between you two?_ He wants to ask further, but the sudden sound of the heavy rain drowns his words.

Kyungsoo shrugs and looks at him. “I don’t know.” He holds Chanyeol’s gaze for a few seconds before looking back at the puddles on the sidewalk. “You know I’m not a long-distance relationship kind of person. It’s too much effort.” Kyungsoo answers as if he heard Chanyeol’s unspoken question, and bites on his lower lip for a few seconds.

The rain is slowly letting down and Chanyeol nods quietly. Of course, Chanyeol knows. Kyungsoo is practically engaged to his job as an Account Manager, and he has a hectic schedule all the time with all of the clients he has to deal with. Even during college, Kyungsoo really likes going forward with minimal hindrances as much as possible. Kyungsoo likes to get things done, he likes to be on schedule, and he likes to be meticulous in almost everything. Chanyeol believes that Kyungsoo deserves someone who’ll keep up with his pace. “Yixing’s nice though.” Chanyeol comments out of nowhere. Something flips in his stomach as he says those words, and he gulps down the feeling. 

“He is.” Kyungsoo mutters and quickly clears his throat. “Let’s go before it pours again.” He trudges forward so fast, but then after a few steps, he slows it down so Chanyeol can catch up.

 

\- - -

 

Chanyeol comes home late one night. The final post-processing of the drama episode took more than a day and he just wants a good night’s sleep. He’s tired from the actual editing and tired from the commute, since he’d rather sleep on a bus than drive with dropping eyelids. He opens the door to their flat, and he’s suddenly enveloped in darkness. It’s not unusual, since the light of the digital clock in their living room tells him that it’s already 11PM and Kyungsoo usually sleeps before midnight since he has work in the morning. 

What’s unusual is that when Chanyeol enters his room, he finds a lump on his bed, covered in his blanket. Some of his pillows are discarded on the floor, right next to Kyungsoo’s white slippers. Chanyeol gently places his backpack on his desk, careful not to wake the sleeping boy. Kyungsoo’s fingers are loosely cradling his phone, and it lights up with a new message. Chanyeol _very gently_ removes the phone from Kyungsoo’s grasp to place it down the bedside table, and he sees Yixing’s name on the screen.

 

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol croaks out, his voice rough from the fatigue. He hesitates, biting his lower lip and running a towel onto his wet hair absentmindedly. “Kyungsoo,” he tries again, and steps closer to his bed. “Are you gonna sleep here?” He asks, and the body under the blanket shifts. 

“What,” Kyungsoo lowers the blanket to reveal a mop of messy black hair and squinting eyes. “What time is it?” He manages to ask, deep voice laced with drowsiness.

“Uh,” Chanyeol mutters before checking the analog clock on his wall and not seeing the time properly because of the darkness. He scrambles over to his desk to check the time on his phone. “It’s 12:03AM.” 

Kyungsoo pulls the blanket over his head once again and Chanyeol hears a muffled sharp exhale. “Get in here.” He commands, making space for Chanyeol.

Chanyeol hangs the towel on a chair by his desk, and snorts at the way Kyungsoo’s taking command as if Chanyeol’s the one who’s in the wrong room. “This is _my_ bed you know.” Chanyeol points out as he slides next to Kyungsoo, wriggling in place to find a comfortable position.

Kyungsoo just hums, facing the window instead of facing Chanyeol. “We’re gonna stop seeing each other.” Kyungsoo says in a quiet voice. “He’s leaving for China in a week.”

Chanyeol stills for a moment, and he’s suddenly hyperaware of the way Kyungsoo shifts so subtly under the covers. “Are you okay?”

“Just tired.” Kyungsoo lets out another exhale, his shoulders sagging. “I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol replies, surprised at the amount of sincerity in his own voice. “He seemed like a nice guy.” He adds, before reaching out to pat Kyungsoo’s arm. (He guesses that it is Kyungsoo’s arm, under the blanket.)

Chanyeol has a catalogue of music for Kyungsoo in his head – for when Kyungsoo’s mad at him, when Kyungsoo’s looking at him weirdly, when Kyungsoo’s so tired from work, and a whole lot more which would take hours to enumerate. But for times like these, he prefers silence. Because the moments when Kyungsoo actually seems vulnerable are so rare that Chanyeol doesn’t want any kind of disruption. He hears the ticking of the clock on his wall, the quiet hum of the air conditioning unit, and Kyungsoo’s even breathing. 

Kyungsoo looks so small, all of a sudden. Time stills and it’s as if Chanyeol’s seeing the Kyungsoo in high school who unrequitedly pined after someone, or maybe the Kyungsoo in college who experienced his first ever serious breakup. He’s taken back to all the times Kyungsoo has crawled into his bed and just slept beside him – because he fought with his parents, because that one client is an asshole, because he got dumped by someone for the first time, and all the other heartaches. Chanyeol has practically gone through it all with Kyungsoo, and he keeps on hoping, every single time, that his mere presence is enough to make Kyungsoo feel a bit better. He stays up until three in the morning aching for Kyungsoo’s own happiness and ignoring the weird feeling in his gut.

 

\- - -

 

Kyungsoo stops dating Yixing, and a month passes by normally. Except Chanyeol would always go back to that night he felt his throat swell up with fear as disgust swirled inside his stomach, the night Yixing visited. It would just suddenly snatch away Chanyeol’s focus whenever he’s going through a script or editing an audio file, and Chanyeol would find himself staring at nothing in particular for about five minutes. It’s insane, and Chanyeol’s going crazy over this Very Mysterious Homophobic Tendency Case of his.

So Chanyeol calls up Jongdae, his other best buddy in the entire universe who works in the same agency as Kyungsoo. He is determined to solve this case once and for all.

Jongdae picks up the call and Chanyeol gets straight to the point “Have you ever thought of marrying Baekhyun?”

“Chanyeol, I need to be in a meeting with Kyungsoo in _five minutes_.” Jongdae’s whiny voice comes through the static louder than usual. “Also, no. We’re like, best friends.” 

“ _Sure_.” Chanyeol replies, and the images of Jongdae and Baekhyun totally acting like a married bickering couple come into his mind. He waits for it, but he doesn’t get a weird feeling in his stomach, even if he pictures Jongdae with his arms around Baekhyun’s shoulders, which is a completely normal occurrence since forever. “I just want to say that I’m totally okay if you guys ever get married and I support you guys.” Chanyeol rambles on. “And I am not a homophobe.” He says it more to himself because really, he isn’t. Conclusion: Maybe it was just a one-time thing, maybe he was just extra sensitive when Yixing came over that night.

There is a pause and Chanyeol takes the phone off of his ears to check if the call is still connected. It still is. “Jongdae?” He checks if his friend is still there. Maybe Jongdae’s having a sudden epiphany that he does like Baekhyun. Well then, he’d have to thank Chanyeol for that later.

“Okay Chanyeol, what is your problem? Did something happen?” Jongdae breathes his question out tiredly. “Also, can we talk about this next time because I can see Kyungsoo heading to the meeting room as of this moment.” He quickly replies before Chanyeol could even say anything. “Nice talk, though. Bye.” Jongdae speaks so quickly before hanging up.

Chanyeol is left all alone with the beeping of his phone from a hung up call, yet he sort of feels less conflicted now. He assures himself that maybe it was just a one-time thing and he will never ever get grossed out by homosexuality ever again. Chanyeol just needs to assure himself from now on.

 

Kyungsoo comes home just in time to catch Chanyeol weeping quietly on the couch, the credits of Brokeback Mountain playing on the TV and a stack of unread scripts lying in a mess on their coffee table. 

“I can explain.” Chanyeol shouts with a nasal voice. He was just trying to confirm that he wasn’t a homophobe after all, and he suddenly got this very strong urge to watch the movie after the conversation with Jongdae. Well, the movie did help Chanyeol realize that he isn’t grossed out by homosexuality, yet it also turned him into an emotional wreck.

“I’m not even asking.” Kyungsoo replies coldly as he walks straight to his room, but Chanyeol can see his lips curving and his shoulders shaking as he chuckles on his way.

 

\- - -

 

“Remember Junmyeon?” Kyungsoo suddenly asks one night while they’re eating microwaved pasta. 

Chanyeol coughs, almost chokes, but tries his best not to because Kyungsoo is giving him a wide-eyed concerned look from across the table. Kyungsoo should stop throwing curveballs at him, especially during dinner time. “Yeah, why?” He manages to ask before gulping down water.

Kyungsoo looks at him with a calculative gaze that’s kind of out of place for a casual, dinner conversation. “We ran into each other yesterday,” He continues, rolling the pasta with his fork. “He works for the financial firm a few blocks away from our agency.” 

Chanyeol chews and nods at the same time. The last time he saw Junmyeon was during college, when Junmyeon was known for being the vice president of the university’s student council. And weirdly, they met him through the Media Arts Organization, because Junmyeon apparently had this undying passion for acting, even though he was a Business major. Jongdae had this tiny, happy crush on him, but it was sad that they only saw him during their organization’s events and that Junmyeon was super straight. 

Kyungsoo clears this throat and says “We had lunch together a while ago, and he’s taking me to dinner tomorrow.” Okay, so maybe Junmyeon isn’t super straight after all.

“Oh.” Chanyeol says dumbly. His hand stops spinning the fork he’s holding. “Well, uh, that’s nice.” He manages to get the words out of him.

Kyungsoo nods slowly, his eyes not leaving Chanyeol’s own. “So,” he slowly says. “Don’t wait up for me. Cook yourself a nice meal.”

Chanyeol snorts and replies “I’m not a kid, I can totally handle myself”, but there’s a heavy feeling settling in this chest, and Chanyeol just drinks more water to ease himself out of it.

 

\- - -

 

The weeks pass by with Chanyeol arriving to a dark apartment, and with Kyungsoo peacefully sleeping in his own room. Chanyeol’s schedule becomes hectic, he heavily depends on coffee and energy drinks inside the editing studio to survive the post-processing of the last few episodes of the drama. He’d usually come home about once a week and sleep for a whole day, then pack up some fresh clothes before returning to the post-processing studio. With the shooting of the drama finally ending, its footage and materials for the last few episodes are handed over to the studio. Everyone becomes extra meticulous, and just a bit more passionate about its quality. Chanyeol gets sick of the drama’s soundtrack after hearing the tracks repeat over and over again for three days straight. He cringes every time an official soundtrack plays on the bus on his way to work.

While Chanyeol’s locked inside the editing studio and is on the verge of dying over the perfection of the drama’s finale, Kyungsoo’s probably having lunch or dinner with Junmyeon around Gangnam. Chanyeol goes grocery shopping at 10PM, and hoards all the bottled lattes on sale even if they all seem to taste extra bitter in his mouth recently.

 

\- - -

 

Chanyeol comes home at 3AM, legs feeling weak and wobbly from the lack of sleep. He tries to stifle a cough as he closes the door, careful not to wake Kyungsoo up who’s most probably sleeping at this hour. On the last day of editing, Chanyeol finds himself coughing more roughly, his throat hurting a bit too much. On top of it all, he has a runny nose and a very persistent headache that doesn’t leave him for even a minute. Some teenagers from his bus ride home were looking at him funny, since he practically coughed non-stop during the 40-minute ride. Chanyeol thought he’d never make it out alive, but he still pushes through to arrive at the flat in one piece. Now that he’s fulfilled his mission of surviving a bus ride and getting home alive, this is how he’s going to die. He’s going to pass out in his own flat with the drama’s soundtrack on loop in his mind and he’ll never wake up ever again. He’ll be stuck with the happy beats and the instrumentals forever. Although in reality, he probably won’t die and would just probably sob from the fatigue.

Throwing his backpack on the couch, and not bothering to turn on the lights, he walks to the kitchen with dragging feet. His mind is in a haze as he takes the pouch of medicine from the cupboard. The amount of different pills and tablets hurt his brain even more but he luckily finds the one for headaches after a few minutes of squinting at the tiny labels on their packaging. Just when he’s about to get his water bottle from the fridge, he sees an obnoxious neon green post it with his name on it on the cover of a tiny porcelain pot.

There is a message written in Kyungsoo’s tiny handwriting below the very obnoxious _FOR CHANYEOL_ heading. Chanyeol’s just staring down at the note after placing the said pot on their tiny dining table. He suddenly feels a bit better, despite not sleeping for more than three days. There’s this sudden urge to barge into Kyungsoo’s room and hug him tight. Chanyeol decides to just re-heat the pot of porridge instead of attacking a sleeping Kyungsoo at 3 in the morning. After gulping down the pills for the headache, Chanyeol reads the message while warming up his meal.

_FOR CHANYEOL  
Sorry I ate half of this. You haven’t been coming home lately and I’m assuming you’re sick from all the work you do. Yes, I can hear you coughing during ungodly hours of the night. Yes, I forgive you for waking me up with your loud coughs. You’re welcome for the porridge._

Chanyeol almost _weeps_. Kyungsoo is the best flatmate in the entire universe.

 

Chanyeol definitely told himself that he needs to sleep, but here he is on his phone, lurking on different social media sites at 4AM. With a happy and full tummy, thanks to Kyungsoo’s porridge, he’s currently waiting for his food coma to wear off as he stays glued to his seat. He scrolls past a cat video that Jongdae shared and stops when he sees Kyungsoo’s comments.

**Do Kyungsoo** Jongdae, that’s you.  
 **Do Kyungsoo** Also, get off Facebook and get back to your name studies. Please. 

Chanyeol snorts out loud. Then he suddenly finds himself on Kyungsoo’s profile, scrolling through the recent posts. It’s been almost a month since Chanyeol’s super busy schedule, one whole month of coming home to a sleeping Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol feels like he’s missing out on Kyungsoo’s life. His profile isn’t of much help, since Kyungsoo has never been a social media person to begin with. There’s a post from Baekhyun that says “I MISS U MY SQUISHY” on Kyungsoo’s profile, along with a gif of a waddling penguin, two days ago. Chanyeol finds a smile on his lips as a yawn escapes his mouth. He scrolls past tagged photos of Kyungsoo, most of them from Jongdae’s posts. He sees a group photo, with Kyungsoo smiling in the middle of the group as he holds a tiny trophy. One of their ad campaigns must have won an award. The smile on Chanyeol’s face isn’t wearing off, but he feels the energy in him leaving him. The last thing Chanyeol sees on Kyungsoo’s profile is a photo of him and Junmyeon in some fancy restaurant. The caption reads: _Celebratory dinner!_

Chanyeol falls asleep, his head on the dining table, right next to his phone.

 

He feels like shit the moment he wakes up. His back hurts, and there’s this numbing pain in his legs. Chanyeol scrunches his nose at himself as the realization hits him that he actually fell asleep on the dining table. Well, this is new, he usually passes out on either the couch or the rug.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Kyungsoo’s voice comes from the bathroom. “Finally.” He adds, his voice competing with the sound of a hairdryer.

“Thanks for the porridge!” Chanyeol yells, his voice husky from sleep. He stands up, and stretches. His bones crack, but he sort of feels better, if not for the headache that’s creeping up yet again. 

Kyungsoo steps out of the bathroom, clad in his favorite pair of jeans and a pastel shirt. It feels sort of refreshing for the eyes, since Kyungsoo just usually wears black all the damn time. “Please sleep in your own bed if you actually want to get better.” He reprimands Chanyeol, his brows furrowing with worry.

Chanyeol purses his lips and nods sleepily. His eyes land on the digital clock by the living room. 8:28AM. “What day is it?” He asks, because he’s not sure if he lost track of time and slept through a whole day in his problematic position. If he did, then he probably needs a massage. And a shower, definitely, because he’s been wearing his outfit for how many days now.

“It’s Saturday.” Kyungsoo answers him, tying his shoes by the doorway. 

Chanyeol sighs, feeling relieved that he didn’t sleep through a day. He only slept for around four hours, and he definitely needs more than that.

“I’m having breakfast with–” Kyungsoo starts, but is interrupted by the chime of their doorbell.

Chanyeol moves to get it, but Kyungsoo’s already opening the door when he walks closer. Chanyeol sees Junmyeon, dressed in an equally bright shade as Kyungsoo. There it is again, the something that twists in Chanyeol’s stomach.

“Hey, you ready?” Junmyeon asks Kyungsoo with a smile and with eyes that practically sparkle. Said sparkling eyes suddenly move their gaze to a very unkempt Chanyeol, and Junmyeon looks surprised. “Chanyeol! It’s been years!” Junmyeon basically leaps over, letting himself inside the apartment, to hug Chanyeol.

Chanyeol awkwardly hugs back, and he has to crouch down a bit since he’s towering over Junmyeon. Junmyeon smells like expensive fabric conditioner and Chanyeol probably smells so bad since he hasn’t showered yet. He feels extra awkward because Junmyeon’s patting his back a bit too hard and Chanyeol can feel a disgusting cough about to come out from his mouth and spread germs on his flatmate’s date. 

They finally break the hug that seemed to last ages for Chanyeol. “It’s so nice to see you again!” Chanyeol says as enthusiastically as possible, but his nasal voice betrays him and makes him sound as sick and unhealthy as ever.

“I’ll be back in the afternoon, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo tells him, already halfway out the door. “Let’s go.” He gives Junmyeon a small smile.

“Let’s catch up, soon.” Junmyeon tells him, giving him another set of pat on the backs, before following Kyungsoo and exiting the apartment.

Chanyeol heaves a sigh. He drags himself to his room, his eyes feeling heavy and his limbs too tired. It’s only 8:30AM but Chanyeol’s already had a long day.

 

Chanyeol dreams of Junmyeon. It’s absurd and vague, with Junmyeon laughing at him against a background of a very dramatic thunderstorm, paired with the background music that they’ve been using specifically for the scenes of the drama’s main antagonist. There’s a mix of angry violins and pianos ringing in Chanyeol’s head when he suddenly wakes up. He stares and blinks at the white ceiling of his bedroom for a few seconds, before erasing the image of Junmyeon and his Evil Laugh. 

The glow of the sunset is filtered through the curtains of Chanyeol’s window, and it basically tells him to get up from his bed because he’s been sleeping all day. He sits up, the heaviness still not leaving his body. About to get off his bed and walk to kitchen, he pauses on his way as a bowl of sliced fruits on his desk catches his eyes. There’s a glass of water right next to it, along with medicine that Kyungsoo probably bought for him on his way home from his date. How would Chanyeol even survive without Kyungsoo? If there’s a Best Flatmate Of All Time Award, Kyungsoo deserves it. Chanyeol will give that award to Kyungsoo and he will parade his best flatmate ever around their apartment, even around the famous stone tombs of Seokchon-dong just near their place, and maybe even around Gangnam so that everyone in his studio and Kyungsoo’s agency would know that Kyungsoo is just _the best_.

“Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol yells with a nasal and rough voice. He pads forward, though a bit sluggish, and opens the door for Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo’s standing in front of him, wearing normal unsaturated, monotone clothes unlike the pastels he wore on his breakfast date with Junmyeon a while ago. He’s looking at Chanyeol with his wide eyes, and he’s about to squint at him any minute now because Chanyeol’s just blinking at him and not saying anything.

“What do you need?” Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at him, his stance unfaltering even when Chanyeol takes a step closer.

“A hug.” Chanyeol croaks out with much effort. Another step, and he’s practically breathing into Kyungsoo’s personal space. He’s counting the seconds in his head, and waiting for a punch on his stomach or a slap on his arm. Chanyeol’s gaze traces Kyungsoo’s face, sees the twitch in his eyebrows, and the challenge in his eyes.

“No, thank you,” Kyungsoo flatly rejects him, but he doesn’t take a step back. “I’d rather stay healthy–”

Chanyeol envelopes the smaller guy into a really tight hug, and he can feel Kyungsoo squirming for about a few seconds before relaxing his body within Chanyeol’s grasp. “You’re the bestest best friend ever.” Chanyeol sniffs, resting his chin on top of Kyungsoo’s head and attempting to sway both of their bodies. 

Kyungsoo groans, sending vibrations on Chanyeol’s collarbone. “Let me go.” He commands, voice muffled by fabric.

His arms loosen around Kyungsoo, but he doesn’t let him run away from him just yet. Chanyeol holds him by the shoulders, and leans his face closer to Kyungsoo’s own. Kyungsoo doesn’t even flinch, but Chanyeol feels a sharp, subtle inhale through the slight movement of his shoulders. “I’ll make it up to you, I swear.” Chanyeol promises, and he clears his throat since he can feel a cough coming.

Kyungsoo punches him in the stomach, not showing any mercy for the sick.

 

\- - -

 

After a hundred reminders of “don’t forget to take your meds” by Kyungsoo, Chanyeol finally regains his health just in time for the viewing of the episodes. Chanyeol thanked Kyungsoo a thousand times during the time he was disgustingly sick. He’s finally healthy enough to not spread virus inside their editing studio. The post-processing studio where Chanyeol does his magic, along with the whole production team, isn’t that far from the advertising agency where Kyungsoo and Jongdae works. So Chanyeol nitpicks a few minor mistakes, nothing crucial for the drama’s airing, and quickly bolts out of the studio afterwards to get coffee for Kyungsoo. Because Kyungsoo took care of him over the weekend, and Chanyeol would probably still be dying right now if it weren’t for his flatmate. 

**to:** kyungsoo  
ARE YOU BUSY DON’T GET AFTERNOON COFFEE WITH JONGDAE I GOT U

Chanyeol texts Kyungsoo the moment he steps out of the bus. There’s a giddy and warm feeling spreading in his veins as he walks to the agency building, and the warmth spreads further when he sees a familiar mop of black hair by the entrance of the building. Kyungsoo’s idly standing by the glass doors, his brows furrowed and his attention on his phone. 

Chanyeol quickens his pace and actually leaps towards Kyungsoo. “Hi! Were you waiting for me?” Chanyeol yells a bit too enthusiastically.

Kyungsoo flinches, snaps his head upwards to look at Chanyeol with a wide pair of eyes. “Are you trying to kill me with a fucking heart attack?” He spits out in semi-whisper, still loud enough for Chanyeol to hear and feel the sharp stab of his profanities. 

His shoulders shake as he tries to keep his chuckles in, but Chanyeol still fails to do so in the end. He laughs, and he dodges a punch coming straight to his arm at the same time. “I bought you coffee.” He wheezes in between his laughter, his eyes never leaving Kyungsoo’s glaring ones.

In a matter of seconds, Kyungsoo’s gaze softens and focuses on the coffee carrier in Chanyeol’s grasp. “That’s sweet.” He mutters, and starts to retrieve his own cup of iced Americano from the cardboard holder.

Chanyeol carefully takes his own frappe from the carrier. “Well, this is just some sort of ‘thank you’ since you did take care of me–”

“I was talking about your chocolate frappe. That’s too sweet.” Kyungsoo interrupts and clarifies, reverting his gaze back to Chanyeol’s face.

The tips of Chanyeol’s ears are suddenly warmer than usual. “That’s too bitter.” He rebuts, scrunching his face at the dark drink in Kyungsoo’s hand. “But Jongdae did tell me that it keeps the both of you alive, so,” Chanyeol shrugs.

Kyungsoo’s lips curve into a smile while he takes a long sip. “Hey, I’ll go home in about four hours or so. You could wait for me inside the office if you want.” He offers, his gaze shyly leaving Chanyeol’s own. “If you’re not too busy.” He adds, head turning away from Chanyeol.

Chanyeol feels so proud of himself for finishing all his work at studio early. “I’d love to.” He answers with a grin.

 

Chanyeol spends a few hours in the agency, careful not to disturb other employees as he travels back and forth Jongdae’s and Kyungsoo’s workstations with his swivel chair. It takes a lot of Chanyeol’s willpower not to laugh hysterically at the set of funny videos Jongdae shows him. By the time Kyungsoo walks by Jongdae’s desk to hand him some printed job order forms, Chanyeol already has tears in his eyes from keeping his laughter in. Jongdae doesn’t let the day end without asking his officemate to take a picture of the three of them. Chanyeol stands in the middle, towering over both Jongdae and Kyungsoo, and slings his arms around their shoulders to pull them closer. Kyungsoo falls a bit out of balance, leans a bit too close, and something weird happens in Chanyeol’s chest for a second. And then the feeling’s gone too fast, and Chanyeol doesn’t let himself get distracted by Kyungsoo’s hand on his waist.

Jongdae picks the best one out of the set of the photos, and posts it online. It takes three seconds before Baekhyun comments “HOW DARE U GUYS I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS I’M REPORTING THIS PHOTO” along with a string of angry and crying emoticons. They all laugh at Baekhyun and annoy him further by liking the comment.

“This is totally random,” Jongdae says as they’re walking out of the building. It’s seven in the evening, and they’re all on their way home from a surprisingly calm day at the agency. “Do you guys want to give Baekhyun a surprise visit?” It’s been a while since the last time they’ve met up with Baekhyun – he is almost always locked up in the entertainment company’s building and is always vocal coaching different trainees. Though Jongdae does live nearby Baekhyun’s area and he can actually visit him anytime he wants to, it’s still hundred times better if the four of them are all together. 

Chanyeol already has his mouth open, ready to put the spontaneous idea into action, when the sound of a car honking stops him from answering. Their attention gets caught by a blazing red car slowly coming to a halt in front of them. 

“Right.” Jongdae exhales, and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at him. “Boyfriend duties.” Jongdae groans and jumps away from Kyungsoo’s fingers pinching him on his sides.

The car window rolls down to reveal Junmyeon with an ever ready smile on his face. “Hi! How was work?” He greets all of them too brightly, eyes crinkling into crescents. He nods at Chanyeol, acknowledging his presence, and lets his gaze linger at Kyungsoo at bit longer. 

 

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo arrive at their apartment – courtesy of Kim Junmyeon and his super safe, super slow driving. Chanyeol brings up tidbits of college memories he can remember and Junmyeon completes the missing details along the way. Kyungsoo almost reaches for Chanyeol’s neck in the backseat when Chanyeol talks about that time Kyungsoo wept at one of Media Arts’ plays. Throughout the one hour ride, Chanyeol keeps the question he’s been meaning to ask Kyungsoo and Junmyeon at the back of his throat. He doesn’t need to know how long this has been going on, doesn’t need to know when Junmyeon started to drive Kyungsoo home from work.

“Thanks for the lift home!” Chanyeol politely says before getting off the car.

“Anytime.” Junmyeon smiles and nods at him.

Chanyeol’s walking towards the gate of their apartment, a hand searching for his keys in the pocket of jeans. He successfully opens the lock, and cranes his head. He’s expecting to see Kyungsoo walking towards their flat and a red car driving away. He wasn’t expecting to see Junmyeon giving Kyungsoo a chaste, almost too innocent kiss on the lips after opening the car door for him. Chanyeol quickly turns his head away, and enters their apartment building. He doesn’t wait for Kyungsoo, speeds up the stairs to get to their floor, and hurriedly keys in the code to their flat. 

The concoction of anxiety and disgust is back, and it’s boiling at the pit of his stomach. Chanyeol’s breathing heavily while trudging straight to his room, shutting the door behind him. It’s too dark inside his room, and inside their whole flat, since he didn’t even bother to switch on the main lights. Chanyeol reaches his hand to his side, and searches for the light switch. He switches the lights on. The sudden brightness reminds him of the dashing smile Junmyeon has on his face whenever he looks at Kyungsoo and the gleam in Kyungsoo’s eyes that Junmyeon gets to see all the damn time. Anger fumes within Chanyeol, subtly and slowly, and he pushes back the emotion because he can’t understand it. He hears the door to the flat opening, and lights being switched on in the living room. Chanyeol switches the lights off in his room, and maybe the image of Kyungsoo’s bright smile would go away. 

 

Chanyeol’s lying face flat on his bed when he hears the door to his room open. After all the thrashing and rolling around his bed in hopes of releasing the emotional distress he’s been feeling lately, he’s too tired to actually turn over and face Kyungsoo. 

There’s the sound of the light switch along with gentle footsteps. “Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo calls him. He moves Chanyeol’s feet slightly to the side so he could sit on the edge of the bed. “Thank you for the coffee.”

“Sure.” Chanyeol replies, voice muffled by his pillow. Chanyeol waits for Kyungsoo to say something, _anything_ , but nothing comes. All he can hear is the sound of the clock ticking and the thumps of his weirdly paced heartbeat.

Kyungsoo exhales loudly. 

Chanyeol flips over, and sits himself up in one quick movement. His eyes adjust to the brightness of his room and he just stares at Kyungsoo. They’re face to face now, and Chanyeol moves closer to Kyungsoo. He sets the distance, and pushes himself a bit closer than usual.

Kyungsoo’s hair is damp, and there’s a towel draping around his neck. He blinks at Chanyeol, lifts his eyebrows at him without saying a thing. 

It’s kind of intimidating, as if Kyungsoo’s challenging him to confess all his deepest, darkest secrets with a single raise of his eyebrows. Chanyeol finds his mouth gaping open, but the no words come out. He closes it again, and he’s a fish out of water – out in the open, exposed in sunlight, and barely surviving. 

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrow, and Chanyeol can hear the question even if Kyungsoo doesn’t say it. _What’s wrong?_ Kyungsoo probably means to ask, with the way he’s looking at Chanyeol. 

“Nothing.” Chanyeol answers. “Good night.” He says, shifting to get under the covers once again.

Kyungsoo stares at him until he has turned away, his back now facing Kyungsoo. “Good night.” Kyungsoo replies as he switches the lights off.

 

\- - -

 

“Oh my god, it’s been _years_.” Baekhyun yells as he flops down on the couch next to Jongdae, already feeling very comfortable inside Chanyeol and Kyungsoo’s flat.

“It’s only been months.” Jongdae corrects him, his attention on his phone, and whines when Baekhyun suddenly leans all of his weight against him. 

“Baekhyun just probably missed us too much.” Chanyeol screams from the kitchen. He’s currently reaching the stack of flyers on top of their fridge – the ones Kyungsoo can never reach, even if he tiptoes – to look for the phone number of the pizza place. Every now and then, Baekhyun and Jongdae would crash into their apartment just to watch a movie or even marathon a series with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo for a whole day. Sometimes they get too emotional at the end of every film, and after a week or so, Kyungsoo would have to tell everyone to just shut up about it for a second in their group chat. Sometimes they don’t even watch what’s playing on the TV and would end up having heated (and hilarious) arguments about the smallest things. 

“Chanyeol, hold on, you don’t need to order–” Jongdae starts, eyeing the pizza flyer in Chanyeol’s hand as the taller guy makes his way to the phone in the living room.

“Kyungsoo said that Junmyeon’s buying pizza.” Baekhyun announces, grinning at him and waggling his eyebrows at him. He fidgets as he lies down on the couch, occupying the entirety of the piece of furniture and resting his thighs on Jongdae’s lap.

“Oh,” Chanyeol stops in his tracks, and blinks. “He’s joining us?” He asks even if the answer’s already crystal clear. 

“Apparently, yeah.” Jongdae answers and shrugs, still busy with his phone.

Over the years, Chanyeol has never even brought any of his past girlfriends to their Weekend Marathons. One does not simply bring the person they’re dating to these kind of events. Sometimes – well, most of the time – everything just gets so crazy even with only just the four of them, and none of them would surely want to see their other half see them in their lowest point in life. Unless, they’re in a really serious relationship. If Kyungsoo’s letting Junmyeon tag along, then their relationship must be kind of serious after all. And Chanyeol’s okay with that, he has to be okay with that. He folds the flyer he’s holding and tries to ignore the persistent and weird feeling in his chest.

 

Kyungsoo and Junmyeon arrive not long after, carrying three large boxes of pizza and just the right amount of soju bottles to turn Baekhyun into a mess within an hour. Chanyeol and Jongdae offer their praises to Junmyeon’s wealth and power to buy loads of food before claiming a box of pizza just for themselves. 

“This sort of feels like a college reunion.” Junmyeon comments before Kyungsoo plays the movie, sliding closer to fit himself next to Kyungsoo on the large, single seater couch. Jongdae hums in agreement and fidgets in the space between Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

Chanyeol doesn’t pay attention to the zombie movie they’re watching and gets so distracted with the way Kyungsoo comfortably leans against Junmyeon. Something twists in his stomach every time Kyungsoo would lean in to whisper in Junmyeon’s ear, probably commenting about the movie. It’s weird because Chanyeol doesn’t feel it when Kyungsoo would fondly chuckle at Baekhyun’s screams whenever a surprising gore scene comes up on screen, but he feels it with the slightest attention or subtle touch Kyungsoo would give Junmyeon. They’re not even past the fifteen mark of the movie, and Chanyeol’s already opening a bottle soju to cleanse all the unnecessary emotions he’s been feeling.

 

It’s 10PM, and Chanyeol’s face hurts from laughing too much over Kyungsoo and Jongdae’s heated argument. They were talking about zombie apocalypse scenarios not too long ago, but they suddenly steered into a topic about the repetitive formula of the sports animes Kyungsoo would always watch. No one even knows how it transitioned, but no one can call off the debate that’s going nowhere – except maybe for Baekhyun’s abrupt drunk stripping session.

Every single one of them stops whatever they’re doing to pull him down from the coffee table when he starts ripping off his shirt. Junmyeon almost _tackles_ him, his face showing how panicked he is. Jongdae makes Baekhyun sit on the sofa and asks him to behave.

Kyungsoo crouches in front of Baekhyun so that they’re face to face. “Baekhyun, where do you live?” Kyungsoo tests him, an eyebrow raising as he waits for a proper response. 

“Bucheon!” Baekhyun answers instantly and giggles while scratching his cheek. His other hand’s still holding his second soju bottle of the night, and it’s ridiculous how much of a lightweight Baekhyun is.

Kyungsoo flits his gaze from Jongdae to Chanyeol alternatively, a tired expression looming over his face. 

“Well,” Jongdae exhales. “That’s it for today.” He purses his lips into a tight smile and politely bows to everyone before pulling Baekhyun by his arm.

“Can he go home safely?” Junmyeon worriedly asks, his hands are on his hips and his forehead creasing. 

“Nope,” Chanyeol answers while walking to the coat hanger by the doorway to get his hoodie. “He’s really gonna end up in Bucheon if we let him catch a cab by himself. We’ll make sure he gets home, in Seoul.”

“I ended up in Bucheon _with him_ one time, let’s not forget that tragic night.” Jongdae adds, dragging an unsteady Baekhyun towards the doorway. “I still don’t know why the cab driver listen to him instead of me.” He whines.

“Lock him up in his unit,” Kyungsoo says coldly, stretching his arms as he sits on the couch. “So he won’t go anywhere else.”

Chanyeol glances at Junmyeon’s horrified expression and he chuckles. “I’ll be back in a few.” Chanyeol looks at Kyungsoo as he says goodbye, hurriedly squeezing through a stumbling Baekhyun and a pacifying Jongdae to get out of the flat.

“We’ll get going!” Jongdae yells, an arm around Baekhyun shoulders as he drags the giggly boy. “We had a great time, see you all soon!” Jongdae continues to scream even when they’re out in the hallway.

 

The elevator in the apartment is painfully slow. They could take the stairs, but they really don’t want to risk a drunk Baekhyun falling off a stairwell. Jongdae reasons out that it would be perfect blackmail material if they catch it on video, but their friend’s life and safety always comes first. 

Chanyeol’s hands frantically search the pocket of his jeans, and the pockets of his hoodie.

Jongdae’s looking at him with an agitated expression while he holds onto Baekhyun’s arm, just in case he decides to run into the streets. “Chanyeol, don’t–”

“I forgot my car keys.” Chanyeol tells him, his eyes large and apologetic.

An exhale escapes Jongdae’s mouth.

“Wait for me by my car.” 

Jongdae whines. Baekhyun slaps him on face in an attempt to shush him. “Too noisy!” Baekhyun faux-whispers, palming Jongdae’s face while clinging closer.

 

Chanyeol leaps through the steps of the stairs as fast as he can. It’s such a hassle for him to forget his keys, and he feels so sorry for leaving Jongdae alone with an almost uncontrollable Baekhyun in the parking lot. He hurriedly unlocks their door with the code, and he freezes when he enters the flat.

Junmyeon’s backed up on the wall, and Kyungsoo’s about to go in for a kiss. The hair on top of their heads are a crazy mess and their shirts are in each other’s fists – and it doesn’t even take Chanyeol a second to guess what’s happening. Junmyeon has raw panic in his eyes, and Kyungsoo backs away from him upon noticing Chanyeol inside their flat. 

Chanyeol wills himself to actually move and just get the goddamn keys. His face is heating up, and his steps are shaky. The intense combination of anger and shock and anxiety is spreading through his entire body, overpowering the secondhand embarrassment he initially felt.

“Sorry, carry on.” He croaks out with a rough voice, and walks to the shelf by their living room to retrieve his car keys. Chanyeol tries to hide his face by keeping his head down, letting strands of his hair fall over his avoidant eyes.

Chanyeol doesn’t mean to, but he closes the door with extra force on his way out. He’s speeding through the hallway while he tries to shut down the images that his mind keeps on unhelpfully replaying for him. Chanyeol doesn’t want a flashback of what just happened, nor does he want to see the flush on Kyungsoo’s cheeks and the heat in his gaze as he looks at Junmyeon. He blinks out the image of Kyungsoo’s parted lips merely an inch away from Junmyeon’s own. Chanyeol doesn’t want to hear an angry symphony of violins but his brain betrays him and fuels his emotions even more. 

“Are you alright?” Jongdae asks right away as Chanyeol strides towards them.

Chanyeol breathes in, and breathes out slowly. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He manages to answer, even with the annoying lump on his throat. He unlocks the car and Jongdae doesn’t pry any further, giving him an understanding look before guiding Baekhyun to the backseat.

 

He hates it when the stoplight turns red, because it gives him time to think. Chanyeol really doesn’t want to do a lot of thinking while driving, mainly because drama protagonists get into an accident and forget everything – even the love of their life – when they think too much while driving. Chanyeol doesn’t want his life to suddenly turn into a melodrama. 

Everything is actually alright, everything is okay. Chanyeol taps his fingers on the steering wheel, convincing himself that he doesn’t feel like shit. He tries to go back to that moment just a few minutes ago, when he was filming Jongdae and Baekhyun outside Baekhyun’s unit. Without context, it’s just a video of Jongdae feeling up Baekhyun who looks surprisingly pleased at Jongdae’s invasive hands. In reality, Jongdae was just looking for Baekhyun’s keys because the intoxicated guy wouldn’t cooperate. 

The GPS tells him that he has about ten minutes before he arrives at their flat. He gulps. His mind’s suddenly coming up with a dozen theories as he drives home. Maybe Chanyeol just saw everything without context. Maybe in reality, they weren’t making out. Maybe Chanyeol is just overreacting. Maybe Chanyeol is so mad at Junmyeo–

He hits the brakes. The red stoplight hurts his eyes and it’s probably the reason why his eyes feel so watery all of a sudden. 

 

Chanyeol enters the flat to see Kyungsoo cleaning up their living room. He’s busy rearranging the throw pillows on the couch, and Chanyeol quickly walks to his room. He doesn’t shut the door to his room, doesn’t block out a possible chance of Kyungsoo explaining everything to him. _It’s not what you think_ , Kyungsoo would probably barge in any second now and clear things up. 

But Kyungsoo doesn’t explain anything, doesn’t barge into Chanyeol’s room to clear things up. All he says is a simple “Good night” to Chanyeol before heading straight to his own room. Maybe it is what it is after all – with or without context, with or without an explanation, Chanyeol still feels like someone just stomped on his chest. He closes the door to his room before sleeping.

 

\- - -

 

Chanyeol gets called for a meeting in such short notice one Tuesday morning. Due to the viewers’ overwhelmingly positive response to the drama, the producers and directors decided to release two special episodes. This means using a bit of new material for something fresh, yet trying to achieve the same feel they crafted for the whole drama for a sense of familiarity. This means that Chanyeol has to drop by the grocery to stock up on instant coffee and energy drinks yet again for the long nights in their editing studio. 

Weeks pass by with Chanyeol reviewing scripts and materials, sometimes spending a few nights at the studio for post-processing. The desk in his room gets cluttered day by day, and Kyungsoo even tells him to clean it up at one point. Chanyeol notices the sudden increase of fruits in their fridge and catches the concerned glances that Kyungsoo sometimes send him. Kyungsoo even organized the medicine in the pantry. Chanyeol just wants to hug Kyungsoo _all the time_ for taking care of him so well. But Chanyeol doesn’t cross the line, he doesn’t even tiptoe over it, and puts himself into place. Junmyeon’s there to give Kyungsoo all the hugs he needs (and wants) and Chanyeol isn’t stealing that responsibility from him. 

Junmyeon visits their flat more often now, and he sometimes gets so engrossed in discussing the production and technicalities of the drama with Chanyeol. Junmyeon’s eyes light up whenever they talk about acting, and Chanyeol sees the Junmyeon he knew in the college – the Business major who has a fiery passion for acting. Chanyeol sometimes finds himself staring at Junmyeon with admiration, and sometimes he finds Kyungsoo staring at Junmyeon as well, but with so much warmth and adoration rather than just the plain admiration Chanyeol feels.

The persistent ache is taking its time making a home in his chest, and the weird feeling in his stomach never fails to creep up on him whenever he notices how Junmyeon is so in love with Kyungsoo and how they’re head over heels for each other in the subtlest ways. He gulps everything down and dismisses the confusing mix of his emotions every time.

 

“Is everything okay?” Kyungsoo asks all of a sudden while they’re washing the dishes together. He pauses, his gloved hand switching the faucet off. His eyes stay on Chanyeol’s face, shifting ever so slightly to catch and analyze the littlest quirks that can give Chanyeol’s feelings away.

Chanyeol slowly stops scrubbing the pan with a sponge and clears his throat. “Yeah,” he answers. “Why wouldn’t it be?” 

“You’ve been…” Kyungsoo trails off, and looks upward for a second – a little habit he does whenever he’s looking for the right words to say. “Distant.” He finishes.

“Oh,” Chanyeol clears his throat and brings a hand up to cover his mouth, forgetting that the glove he’s wearing is covered with foam. He feels soap suds on his cheeks and quickly removes his gloved hand from his face, realizing what he just did. 

Kyungsoo’s mouth twitches into a small smile, for a mere moment, before his face reverts back into nonchalance. 

“I’m just busy, sorry.” Chanyeol clarifies, lifting a shoulder up to wipe his cheek on the sleeve of his shirt. He proceeds to scrub the pan, the foam getting thicker. 

Kyungsoo hums, and turns the knob of the faucet to let the water run. He rinses the remaining dishes, and steps to his side, a bit closer to Chanyeol. “So, how was that intern you’ve been talking about? That Sehun kid interning under the Director of Photography?”

His eyes go wide for a moment, Kyungsoo’s random question surprising Chanyeol. “He’s alright,” Chanyeol answers carefully, looking at Kyungsoo beside him. “He’s still pining after that new actor who only came on set for the flashbacks of the special episodes. He literally screamed when Xiumin followed him back on Instagram.” His lips curve into a smile as he rambles on, punctuating his sentences with short laughs.

Kyungsoo smiles, and even chuckles, while he rinses the dishes so meticulously. “Must’ve been hard for the kid, don’t tease him too much about it.” He snaps his head to look at Chanyeol.

“Hey,” Chanyeol transfers the pan to Kyungsoo’s side of the sink after scrubbing it clean, so the smaller boy could rinse it. “He’s the one who bullies me sometimes!”

“That’s because you’re fun to bully.” Kyungsoo remarks, a smirk on his lips and a playful glint in his eyes.

This is Kyungsoo reaching out to him, and Chanyeol feels guilt eating him up for the unnecessary distance he’s been putting between them. It’s confusing and complicated whenever he drowns in the unexplainable mix of emotions, but then Kyungsoo sometimes makes everything so simple. The way Kyungsoo gently, subtly, and effortlessly breaks the walls he’s starting to build around himself is so fascinating and sometimes it frightens Chanyeol – but most of the time he’s just at awe. 

Chanyeol pouts and retaliates by wiping his foamy glove on Kyungsoo’s cheek. This is Chanyeol closing in on the gap himself, leaving as little space as possible.

Kyungsoo slowly turns his head to look at Chanyeol with wide eyes, a cheek with soap suds, and a perpetually annoyed face. This is Kyungsoo staring at Chanyeol with so much force until Chanyeol scrambles over the kitchen to look for tissues and wipe the soap suds off of Kyungsoo’s face.

 

\- - -

 

Chanyeol is having the worst day ever, he’s claiming it. The studio had a blackout for three whole hours, the power generator deciding to fuck up at a very crucial moment. The whole post-processing team lost their minds, what with their own power supply only running on coffee and the ticking clock bringing them closer to the deadline. And that’s not even the worst part yet, because they had to wait for the directors and producers for an hour and a half for the viewing, only to be bombarded with thousands of negative comments afterwards. They must have gone mad, the pressure of releasing the final special episode must have messed up their thinking process. The whole team had no choice but to stay in the studio for another day just to fix the final episode to perfection. Chanyeol never thought his last editing day would go downhill like this.

 

Chanyeol arrives at the flat all tired, and smelly, and irritated at every little thing. He drops his backpack on the floor and is on his way to his room when he hears the sound of the door unlocking behind him. He stops his tracks, and turns around to see Junmyeon enter. Since when did he even know the pass code to their lock? Chanyeol breathes in and breathes out, trying not let his emotions get the best of him.

“Oh, hi.” Junmyeon greets, lacking the usual enthusiasm he usually has. Maybe he’s not happy to see Chanyeol, maybe he wants to spend time with Kyungsoo all alone. “Is Kyungsoo here?” He asks cautiously.

“Uh, I don’t know,” Chanyeol answers. He just really wants to go to his room because he hasn’t slept and showered for four days straight, and everything just literally annoys him at the moment. And it irritates him even further that Junmyeon can just head straight into their flat now. From all of his past girlfriends, and Kyungsoo’s past boyfriends, Junmyeon’s the only one who actually gained his rightful access to their passcode (that Kyungsoo cautiously changes every month). It sort of pisses Chanyeol off. “I just got here, obviously, so…” Chanyeol adds, the words laced with a hint of venom and sarcasm, motioning to the backpack on the floor by his feet. 

“Oh wow, Chanyeol,” Junmyeon suddenly worries his eyebrows and changes his tone to a placating one. “I know you might have been having a bad day–”

“Oh, you _do_ know.” Chanyeol spits out. There’s a hint of instant regret in his mind, but he really isn’t functioning so well right now. Junmyeon should’ve just texted or called Kyungsoo before coming over to check if he’s here, so that he wouldn’t have to bug Chanyeol.

Junmyeon looks at him, astonished and somehow offended. “You know what Chanyeol,” he says exasperatedly, shaking his head at him in disapproval. The mere action fuels up Chanyeol’s bad mood even more, giving it a bit of a spark that’s about to transform it into full-fledged anger. “I’ll just go.” Junmyeon continues. “It’s seems like I’m unwelcomed here anyway.” He opens the door and dramatically pauses before leaving. “Please tell Kyungsoo that I want to talk to him.” He shuts the door after his final words.

Chanyeol is so annoyed at Junmyeon’s dramatic attempt by the door but he’s even more pissed at himself for acting like a total asshole.

“You know, I would’ve asked you to tell him that I’m not here.” Kyungsoo’s voice comes from behind him, probably all the way from his room, and Chanyeol doesn’t even want to turn around and look at the smaller guy. Chanyeol’s brain is sending him a forecast of an upcoming shitstorm and he just wants to dig a hole so he can crawl into it and disappear for eternity. “But that wasn’t very nice of you to say.” Kyungsoo continues, voice getting louder and his presence getting closer to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol deeply breathes in, and breathes out. He slowly turns to face Kyungsoo and his messy mop of bed hair. He’s still in his pajamas and he’s staring right at him with a questioning gaze. “Kyungsoo, I’m _tired_.” Chanyeol reasons, keeping his tone as calm as possible.

“I know,” Kyungsoo quickly replies, slightly squaring up his shoulders. “But it still doesn’t mean that you should act like a dick.” He counters, a bit too harshly. For a split second, Kyungsoo looks taken aback by his own words, but he recovers all too fast and the cold gaze is back on his eyes.

“He should’ve just taken the hint that you don’t want to see him then, instead of barging in here like it’s his own home.” Chanyeol shrugs, feeling a lump in his throat and a slight pang in his chest.

Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows, shakes his head just a bit. “Are you actually mad at me for telling him our pass code?” He asks incredulously, even gives a small scoff at the end.

“No, I’m not mad,” Chanyeol groans, closing his eyes and lifting up his head. Everything is just so frustrating at the very moment and his patience is wearing thin. “I told you, Kyungsoo. I’m just really, really tired.” He breathes out, and the tone of his voice betrays him, making him sound more angry than tired.

“You’re not mad?” Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow, and shifts his stance into a more intimidating one – his arms crossed and his head tiled upwards. “You’re _fuming_ right now, Chanyeol. Don’t be a fucking hypocrite.” 

Chanyeol groans yet again and paces in front of Kyungsoo. He snakes up his hands to his head and runs his fingers through his hair, messing it up in irritation. “Kyungsoo, I don’t need this right now, okay? I don’t need you attacking me.” His voice is suddenly louder than usual.

“Oh, alright then. You want me to leave, too?” Kyungsoo’s voice is ice cold, enough to freeze Chanyeol and make him stop pacing back and forth. 

“What?” His eyebrows are furrowed and he’s meeting Kyungsoo’s freezing stare with his own eyes. “Where is this even coming from? I didn’t know you’d get this hostile just for your goddamn boyfriend.” He hisses, and the ache in his chest intensifies.

“I’m not being like this _for him_ , I’m being like this because you were a jerk.”

“Oh please, you’re only like this because I made Junmyeon leave. Stop denying it.” 

Kyungsoo raises both of his eyebrows at Chanyeol, and he takes a small step backwards. He’s mad, it’s evident in the way he balls his fists and the way his chest heaves. 

“We wouldn’t even be yelling at each other right now if it wasn’t for him, Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol continues, even if there’s a small part of his mind that’s telling him to just _stop_. But Chanyeol’s a wreck, he’s an emotional mess and his sharp words just keep on firing straight at Kyungsoo. “Let’s face it, you’d take his side any time. It’s always Junmyeon over me, your boyfriend over your best friend who’s always been there for you ever since.” He spits out viciously, punctuating it with a bitter laugh.

Kyungsoo still isn’t saying anything. He’s just looking at Chanyeol with the most resentful gaze Chanyeol has ever seen. He breathes deeply, twice, thrice, before finally speaking. “You really think my life revolves around him? Do you even know me?” He asks quite gingerly, taking serious offense, and his voice shakes with so much hurt and anger.

The question catches Chanyeol off guard. His brain is a mess and so are his feelings, and he’s just so tired. He’s so tired of the disgust and anger he feels every time Kyungsoo looks at another guy, every time Kyungsoo shows affection for another person. “I don’t know.” Chanyeol breathes out his answer, because he’s not sure anymore of what ticks Kyungsoo off, and what he should say to fix the huge mess they made. Chanyeol knows that his answer’s absolutely wrong, but what else is there to say? They’re stuck in an impasse, there are no right answers, and there are no threads to sew up the ugly damage. 

Kyungsoo steps closer, standing merely inches away from Chanyeol. His eyes are reading him, like they always are. “Way to go, Park Chanyeol.” He says with so much venom. “You fucking lost me.”

 

Chanyeol is inside his room when he hears Kyungsoo leaving, hears the sound of the door shutting close.

 

\- - -

 

The flat feels empty without Kyungsoo. Chanyeol keeps on forgetting the things he needed to do the moment Kyungsoo left, and he finds himself stuck in a daze more than usual. He tries to sleep through all the negative emotions he’s been feeling, but the sound of a door closing and the image of Kyungsoo’s back walking away from him haunts him even in his sleep. He tosses and turns, finding the right position in his bed which lessens the hurt he’s been feeling, at least by a bit.

 

It’s 2AM, and Chanyeol wakes up from hearing the door to the apartment shut close. He feels his heartbeat against his ribcage as he sleepily sits up. It’s either a thief or Kyungsoo – Chanyeol obviously prefers the latter, but then he’s also frightened of what will take place if Kyungsoo really did come back. Junmyeon wouldn’t be in the right mind to visit their flat in such an ungodly hour so Chanyeol scratches him out of the list. Chanyeol carefully walks to the living room, turning on all the lights. No one’s there, and it makes Chanyeol feel more lonely than frightened.

He feels ridiculous for actually expecting Kyungsoo to come back so soon. Chanyeol has no idea where Kyungsoo is crashing – and even if he does know, it’s not like he can just go get Kyungsoo and drag him back to their flat. He learned that Kyungsoo needs his own time to cool down, and that he’s just going to put up a fight if Chanyeol tries to fix things when the damage is still too fresh. 

Chanyeol checks the door before going to back to his room, making sure that it’s locked. He stops by Kyungsoo’s room, finding the door slightly open. Chanyeol bravely barges into Kyungsoo’s room, still hopelessly half expecting his flatmate to be there, but all he finds is Kyungsoo’s bed with a few pieces of clothing on top of it. Two of his cabinet drawers are left open. Kyungsoo must’ve quickly dropped by to get a fresh set of clothes, opting stay longer wherever he currently is.

Chanyeol breathes in sharply and leaves Kyungsoo’s room. He tries to dismiss the evident longing he feels coursing through his veins, and the ache of wanting Kyungsoo’s presence even just for a second.

 

\- - -

 

**from:** baek  
u know i thought kyungsoo just visited me yesterday out of nowhere but now he wants to stay here for a week????

**from:** baek  
WHAT DID U EVEN DO OMG

**from:** jongdae  
kyungsoo looks like shit. :c

**from:** jongdae  
we all know he’s always angry but he’s practically breathing out fire even with just one wrong move today!!

**from:** jongdae  
word in the office is that he broke up with junmyeon!! :o

**from:** jongdae  
but according to my reliable source, it’s all your fault. :----)

 

**to:** jongdae  
baekhyun isn’t reliable source 

 

**from:** jongdae  
what did you do!!! the whole team is scared!! pls fix it!!! :’c

 

\- - -

 

“You do know I had to cancel my afternoon coffee for this, right?” Jongdae tells him the moment Chanyeol opens the door for him. “All because I love you and I care.” He solemnly nods his head at Chanyeol and pats his cheek twice before moving past him to enter the apartment.

“Jongdae,” Chanyeol groans. “I fucked up.” He admits with a very sad wail. 

“How bad? Kyungsoo’s not telling me anything.” Jongdae walks towards the living room. He stops and surveys the mess. There are a few beer cans, and yogurt cups by the foot of the sofa. Opened potato chip bags are lying on the coffee table, next to a glass of cold water _without a coaster_ underneath. Chanyeol suddenly feels embarrassed while Jongdae scrutinizes the room. It isn’t even that bad, but Kyungsoo would probably fix and clean everything in the speed of lightning because he wants to live in a very organized environment. _An organized place helps me think clearly and it gives me so much satisfaction_ , Kyungsoo would reason out while positioning the magnetic poetry on their fridge in straight lines.

“Okay, I’m assuming you fucked up real bad.” Jongdae concludes before flopping down on the sofa. He pats the space beside him, giving Chanyeol one of his kittenish smiles.

Chanyeol seats himself next to Jongdae and stares off in the distance. The weight of his problem suddenly sinking in and dragging his whole entirety down with it. “I’m just so confused,” he winces, leaning back on the sofa more comfortably. “I mean, it’s like I’m only a homophobe when it comes to Kyungsoo and all the boyfriends he’s ever been with. Really, it just doesn’t make sense. For example, I recently kicked Junmyeon out of the flat. But for the record, I was _very_ tired–”

“Hold on.” Jongdae interrupts him, springing forward in his seat so suddenly. “What?” He yells, facing Chanyeol with a very confused and distressed expression plastered on his face. “I mean, can you actually start from the very beginning?”

With a groan paired with a few kicks and some violent thrashes, Chanyeol looks at Jongdae with the best puppy eyes he’s got. “Do I really have to? I mean, with all the details and stuff? It’s hard.” He whines, his deep voice not quite fitting his childish tone.

“Don’t be a brat.” Jongdae slaps him on the arm, and Chanyeol gives him a fake pained expression. “Tell me everything so we can figure out how to un-fuck things up.”

Chanyeol sighs. He might as well go on ahead and order takeout, because it’s going to be a long day for the both of them.

 

With only three pieces of chicken left in the bucket, Jongdae finally says something after an agitating fifteen minute silence.

“Has it ever occurred to you,” Jongdae starts, staring off in the distance and squinting at nothing in particular. “That you might actually like Kyungsoo?” 

Chanyeol bites off a chicken leg and chews before answering with his mouth full. “I do like him–”

“No, hear me out.” Jongdae winces and leans closer to Chanyeol, shifts his position on the couch to face the taller guy. “The _disgust_ ,” Jongdae makes air quotes with his hands, “you’ve been feeling might actually be jealousy instead. You’re not homophobic, not even a bit. You’re just extremely jealous.” 

Chanyeol stops eating, his hand holding the chicken leg is frozen by his mouth. “Are you telling me that I’m actually gay?”

Jongdae blinks. “Uh,” he opens his mouth, only to close it. Now Jongdae seems a bit confused himself.

His hand places the chicken leg on the paper plate, dismissing it for the moment. “Because in case you forgot, I dated around a dozen girls and zero guys.” Chanyeol argues, shifting to face Jongdae too.

Jongdae hums and takes his beer bottle from the coffee table. He takes a long swig before asking “But do you feel really anxious or angry when Kyungsoo’s kissing another guy?”

“What? Why would I be?” Chanyeol leans back, further from Jongdae, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Don’t be dumb.” Jongdae warns him, eyes looking at him knowingly.

“Oh my god,” Chanyeol groans and hurriedly reaches for his bottle to take a quick sip. He feels the warmth travel through his body, but the alcohol doesn’t reach his brain. Chanyeol and Jongdae have always had high tolerance, and it takes a shitload of drinks before they feel the alcohol influencing their thoughts. The alcohol does make Chanyeol a bit more honest though. “Okay, what if, _hypothetically_ , that I do like him? Things will be more messed up then, it could ruin everything!”

“Well, I’m not telling you to get on your knee and propose to Kyungsoo right away. I’m just here to make you realize things you can’t realize by your dumb self.”

“Excuse me,” Chanyeol scoffs, and shakes his head unbelievably. “Stop calling me dumb.”

“Okay, you’re not dumb.” He replies airily, fidgeting on the couch to get more comfortable. “You’re just really slow.” Jongdae says carefully, as if to let Chanyeol digest the information effectively. “Pick up the pace or else you’re gonna find yourself yelling at Kyungsoo’s new guy soon enough.”

“Jongdae, I really don’t like guys. I don’t want to date them.” Chanyeol whines, his legs kicking in the air as he lets out his frustrations. He can’t believe that Jongdae isn’t even convinced that he really doesn’t like guys and that he has been super straight all this time.

“But you like Kyungsoo.” Jongdae quickly counters, not giving up on his own stand. “Really, you sort of do like him now that I think about it.” He’s staring off into space again before drinking from his bottle.

Chanyeol loudly slams his beer bottle on the coffee table. He runs a hand through the strands of his hair and messes it up in the process. He exhales. “But I don’t want to kiss guys and _do stuff_ with them. Really, I don’t.” He argues once again, shifting closer to Jongdae.

Jongdae stares at him for a few seconds. “But you want to kiss Kyungsoo.”

Chanyeol is caught off guard. The weird feeling in his stomach is more intense than ever and he feels his pulse racing. There’s a loud, resounding _ting!_ in his mind and he can practically hear a crowd cheering on him for finally getting the correct the answer, for winning the jackpot round. Chanyeol’s having a goddamn epiphany in the middle of the afternoon, in his sweatpants and an old loose shirt. He’s having an epiphany right in front of a smirking Jongdae.

“Shit.” Chanyeol mutters so profoundly, before breathing in deeply and letting out an audible exhale. He’s just staring at Jongdae with a wide set of eyes.

“Shit.” Jongdae says back at him, surprised at Chanyeol’s own sudden revelation.

“Oh my god, I hate you so much.” Chanyeol curls up, and hides his face in his hands. He’s currently so overwhelmed of the sudden emotion and realization that he just needs to hide from Jongdae and from the entire world for a few minutes. He’s shaken from all the realizations his mind is throwing at him so suddenly, and the weird feeling in his stomach is driving him insane.

 

\- - -

 

Chanyeol only has a towel on when Kyungsoo arrives at the flat. He almost slips on his way out of the bathroom the moment he sees Kyungsoo closing the door behind him. Kyungsoo’s carrying a duffle bag that’s probably full of a week’s worth of clothes.

“Hi.” Chanyeol greets him awkwardly, and folds the towel around his waist to tighten it further.

Kyungsoo just looks at him, his mouth opens into a small ‘o’ and he closes it quickly. He gulps, and walks further into the living room.

9:20AM, the digital clock in the living room blinks at Chanyeol in bright red and he just stares at it. He’s frozen into place, and neither of them are actually saying anything. He sees the time transition as he fidgets, it’s now 9:21. “Look,” Chanyeol stops averting his gaze and reluctantly moves his gaze to Kyungsoo.

“Hold on,” Kyungsoo suddenly raises a hand in front of him. “I’m still deciding if I’m still mad at you or not.” He tells Chanyeol calmly.

Chanyeol can’t guess what kind of game Kyungsoo is playing right now, but he doesn’t want in right now. He just wants to fix the mess they made, at this very moment (even if he’s only covered up by a towel). “Kyungsoo, listen,” he starts, and clears his throat before continuing. “I’m really sorry–”

“You’re sorry because?”

“I was dumb.” Chanyeol answers immediately, a tiny pout on his lips. 

Kyungsoo shrugs off the duffle bag he’s been carrying on his shoulder, and places it on the floor by his foot. He takes two steps closer to Chanyeol, sighing. “Chanyeol, what’s new?” He harshly fires back. Kyungsoo’s eyes has a glint of amusement, but it quickly fades away before Chanyeol could even catch it. “That’s not even a valid reason anymore.” He tells Chanyeol as if he’s reprimanding a little kid, taking another step closer.

They’re about one foot apart, and Chanyeol just looks at Kyungsoo. He looks at the smaller guy in front of him, his eyes travelling from the Kyungsoo’s crossed arms by heaving chest, to his calculating eyes, to his full lips that Chanyeol suddenly wants to kiss – “I like you.” Chanyeol word vomits before his brain could even stop him. He feels every inch of his body freeze, and he’s shocked by his own words.

Kyungsoo’s eyes go wide, and he blinks at Chanyeol. “What?”

“What,”

“What did you just say?”

“What? Did I say something?” Chanyeol raises his eyebrows at him, trying to nervously save himself. What is he even doing? What is he saying all of a sudden? His hands keep on fumbling and folding the towel by his waist.

“Junmyeon broke up with me.” Kyungsoo swerves off course in their conversation, changing the topic too quickly. The words spill out of his mouth so abruptly, it’s as if he’s been wanting to tell Chanyeol the moment he got home.

He finds his mouth hanging open. Chanyeol’s surprised with how Kyungsoo could say it so casually. “What?” He asks, because maybe he’s just hearing things wrongly now too.

“And I broke up with him.” He adds, his eyes downcast and staring at their feet. Kyungsoo goes back to his duffle bag on the floor, padding away from Chanyeol. “Don’t worry, it was mutual.” He grabs the bag on the floor, carries it by hand, and starts to walk to his room. 

This is Kyungsoo opening himself up to Chanyeol, so suddenly and out of nowhere, and retreating all too fast. He closes in on himself too quickly, and Chanyeol pushes himself to catch up on Kyungsoo. Chanyeol picks up his pace and pulls Kyungsoo by the arm. 

Kyungsoo turns around from the force, facing Chanyeol with surprised, questioning eyes.

They’re on a standstill, with Kyungsoo carrying a duffle bag and Chanyeol wearing just a towel, and it’s ridiculous because Chanyeol’s so scared that Kyungsoo might hear the loud beating in his chest.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol asks, voice tinted in genuine concern and worry. His grip on Kyungsoo’s arm doesn’t loosen and he slides a bit closer to see his flatmate’s expressions more clearly.

Kyungsoo is a blank slate, but the subtle shift of his gaze expresses his surprise and his undying need to analyze Chanyeol before making his own move. He stares at Chanyeol for a few heartbeats, probably trying to solve why Chanyeol is trudging beyond the borders all of a sudden.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not.” Chanyeol mutters quietly, and witnesses the evident awe in Kyungsoo’s face. 

Kyungsoo drops his bag to the floor, shifting to fully face towards Chanyeol. He breathes in and pulls his shoulders back. “No, I’m not.” Kyungsoo admits, and his stance goes soft. “Because you had to be such a dick when I was having this messy fight with Junmyeon and then you just had to piss me off too.”

Chanyeol gulps, and his fingers slide down Kyungsoo’s arm to gently lace themselves around his wrist instead. 

“It really pissed me off. Especially when you accused me of choosing him over you.” _Because it’s not true_ , Kyungsoo’s eyes seem to tell Chanyeol. _Because I would never_ , he shakes his head subtly and doesn’t let his gaze stray from Chanyeol’s own. This is Kyungsoo revealing himself, and breaking the barriers on his own. This is Kyungsoo owning up to what he started and not running away mid-sentence whenever he’s finished overanalyzing Chanyeol.

All Chanyeol can say is “I’m sorry.” He tightens his hold on Kyungsoo’s wrist by a bit. His heart feels like it’s been punched and beaten by the surge of feelings Kyungsoo’s releasing. 

“I know,” Kyungsoo gives him a small nod. “I forgive you.” He tells Chanyeol carefully, meaning every word. “You can let go now.” Kyungsoo is slowly trying to escape Chanyeol’s hold, pulling away slightly.

“No, you need a hug.” Chanyeol steps over the boundary, crosses the line, and hold Kyungsoo’s wrist tighter. He moves forward, readying himself to trap Kyungsoo in a heartwarming embrace. Chanyeol missed hugging him. Chanyeol missed Kyungsoo, so much. Even if it’s only been a week of having the flat to himself.

Kyungsoo flits his gaze over Chanyeol’s bare chest and lets his eyes travel to the towel by his waist, the only piece of cloth that’s covering Chanyeol. Kyungsoo acts quick, too quick for Chanyeol to notice, and kicks him in the shin.

It hurts. It really does. Chanyeol finds himself yelping in pain and limping in place for a few seconds he watches Kyungsoo walk away from him. All he ever wanted was hug.

“You missed me too much.” Kyungsoo declares, a small smile on his lips, before closing the door to his room.

 

\- - -

 

Chanyeol hates Jongdae. He hates Jongdae for making him realize things when he’s on break. Chanyeol is called for yet another upcoming drama as a Sound Editor. The producer calls him on his phone and also emails him the details. The pre-production meetings are scheduled to start in a month. So Chanyeol has a whole month to just stay at home and _think_. He has all the time in the world to think about the way his stomach drops when Kyungsoo smiles at him. Chanyeol’s not sure if he’s only noticing it now, but Kyungsoo smiles at him a lot. 

Chanyeol notices a lot of things in a span of months. He knows that he has noticed some of it before, but maybe he had always dismissed them to get rid of the funny feeling in his gut. Chanyeol notices that Kyungsoo’s eyes actually sparkle when he laughs, and that his lips look so tender, so soft. He realizes in those certain moments that there’s this strong urge within him to always make Kyungsoo laugh just so he could see the sparkle in his eyes, and to make Kyungsoo grin to see his heart-shaped lips. (Even if it means that he has to playfully flick water on Kyungsoo while they’re washing the dishes and he’d have to dodge Kyungsoo’s pinches on his sides. His sides will hurt, but Kyungsoo’s smile is worth it.) 

Chanyeol is so screwed. He groans all by himself as he lies down on the couch, the TV blaring out a random cooking show that he’s not really watching at the moment. His eyes land on a maroon necktie neatly folded on the coffee table, all abandoned and probably forgotten by Kyungsoo. There are suddenly flashbacks in Chanyeol’s mind, going back to the few nights before, back to that one habit of Kyungsoo that sort of drives Chanyeol insane. Almost every single night, Kyungsoo would flop himself down the couch after arriving from work. He would groan tiredly while loosening his tie in a hurry or maybe even unbuttoning his shirt up until the third button. Chanyeol noticed it way before, but it never really bothered him. But now it does. It’s ridiculous because the mere action looks so sensual in Chanyeol’s eyes. He could just not look at Kyungsoo whenever he’d start to work on the buttons of his shirt, but Chanyeol also finds it kind of endearing in some level. 

He’s brought back to reality, his eyes un-glazing and the flashbacks fading out. Kyungsoo’s walking out from his room and into the kitchen. As if to rile up Chanyeol even more, Kyungsoo decides to wear _shorts_. Kyungsoo always wears sweatpants at home, but there are rare days when he’d expose his milky legs. Chanyeol remembers calling Kyungsoo’s legs pretty one time and getting ignored by Kyungsoo as if no one was talking to him. 

Kyungsoo slows down his steps when he passes by Chanyeol in their living room. He’s carrying a glass of water in one hand and he’s looking at Chanyeol. 

Chanyeol almost squirms from the intense scrutiny. There are also rare days when Chanyeol feels like Kyungsoo actually knows, just by looking at him. It’s as if Kyungsoo’s catching his innermost thoughts and prying Chanyeol open with his eyes and it drives Chanyeol mad. Chanyeol averts his eyes away from Kyungsoo’s, and looks at his pale legs instead – which isn’t that much of a good idea.

Kyungsoo doesn’t stop walking and heads straight to his room.

Chanyeol misses spending his days and night in the editing studio, just so he won’t suffer from the intensity of his own feelings just by seeing Kyungsoo every day.

 

\- - -

 

Chanyeol’s starting to go to meetings again, what with the pre-production of the drama already starting. During his free time, he finds himself being dragged by Kyungsoo to the grocery or to the mall or even to the cinema. Kyungsoo likes going to the cinema alone, and he’s only dragging Chanyeol to the movies with him because the Lotte World cinema near their place is having a promo on tickets. Chanyeol isn’t even complaining, since he gets to spend more time with Kyungsoo. 

Today, they spent nearly two hours in the furniture store, the both of them nitpicking various bookcases as if the pieces of furniture have done something wrong to them. Kyungsoo just really wants the _perfect one_ and Chanyeol willingly helps him find it, pointing out the flaws he can see from time to time. Fortunately, they found the bookcase that fit both of their tastes and they split the bill in half. The furniture in their living room, as well as the appliances and utensils in the kitchen, is owned by the both of them. They bought all of it together, and Chanyeol just can’t imagine living apart from Kyungsoo because who’ll get the sofa? Or the coffee table? How are they going to split those? Chanyeol mentally adds the bookcase they’re currently building to list of things that they both own.

Furniture instructions are so complicated, and it makes him realize that having a flatmate is a blessing. If they didn’t have each other, this bookcase wouldn’t be built. Chanyeol is holding a large piece of white wood that’s almost as tall as him. He’s holding the wood piece in place with one hand and handing screws to Kyungsoo with the other. 

Kyungsoo’s screwing the wooden panels on the piece that Chanyeol’s holding steadily for him. His brows are slightly furrowed and his mouth is open in concentration.

He can’t fully see Kyungsoo from where he is, the large chunk of wood blocking his view. He has to crane his head sidewards to sneak a glance at the very serious Kyungsoo. Chanyeol finds it endearing, he feels so giddy and warm as he peeks at Kyungsoo every now and then. He finds himself smiling dumbly. 

A hand extends in front of Chanyeol, palm facing upwards – Kyungsoo’s asking for a screw. 

Chanyeol hands him a piece of screw, and smoothly holds Kyungsoo’s hand. He feels a subtle flinch from one of Kyungsoo’s fingers, and he wraps his fingers around Kyungsoo’s hand even tighter. 

This is it. In a few moments, Kyungsoo would move from his position to look at Chanyeol and Chanyeol would do the same, traversing the piece of wood that hinders them from seeing each other. Chanyeol’s hearing a melodious and dramatic instrumental in his head, the soft notes of the piano intertwining with the acoustic guitars and even the gentle violins. 

It’s picture perfect, it’s exactly how it happens in the dramas Chanyeol works on. He starts to see everything in slow motion, the loud beating of his heart ringing in his ears. Kyungsoo’s moving to the side, to look at Chanyeol. Chanyeol’s breath hitches when their eyes meet.

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo asks, brows furrowing in annoyance. The instrumental in Chanyeol’s mind halts and he can feel the gears in his brain finally functioning properly for once. 

Chanyeol stares at him, and then he looks at his hand that’s holding Kyungsoo’s own. “Uh, nothing.” He mutters, giving Kyungsoo an awkward smile. Kyungsoo raises both of his eyebrows at him in return before sighing and returning back to work.

 

That night, Chanyeol sneakily texts Jongdae, and blames him without any context. He turns away slightly from Kyungsoo on the couch. His flatmate is too engrossed in watching – and probably internally, criticizing – the CFs which are currently on screen to even notice him, but he still hides his phone from Kyungsoo’s view. He already embarrassed himself in front of Kyungsoo today, and he doesn’t want to add another moment to the list. Chanyeol feels his face heating up just by remembering the dumb thing he did a while ago. He was just being romantic after all; he was bravely trying to step over the line completely until Kyungsoo’s fully aware of his feelings. Chanyeol unconsciously makes a distorted crying noise at the back of his throat.

Kyungsoo turns his head to look at Chanyeol. 

“I’m okay.” Chanyeol smiles and re-assures him before he could ask, even if he feels like he’s dying inside from all the pent up feelings he can’t express.

 

**to:** jongdae  
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT

 

\- - -

 

Chanyeol stirs in his sleep, hearing the sound of the door closing and footsteps in the living room. He groggily reaches for his phone on the bedside table to check the time. 11:23PM. Kyungsoo must’ve had to stay at the office for some extra work today. He hears the faint sound of a familiar groan, and he can practically see Kyungsoo unbuttoning his shirt even if he closes his eyes. Chanyeol falls back to sleep within minutes.

 

“Move,” Kyungsoo’s voice jolts him awake once again, along with the hand that’s nudging him. 

Chanyeol groans before making space for Kyungsoo, he doesn’t even need to ask questions. This is just one of those nights – Kyungsoo must be having a tough time. The sheets rustle when Kyungsoo squeezes himself under the covers, right next to Chanyeol. Kyungsoo’s shifting closer, and he’s never been this close when he sleeps next to Chanyeol. Chanyeol’s bed has never felt this small and Chanyeol’s hoping that Kyungsoo doesn’t move closer. He doesn’t want Kyungsoo to feel his raging heartbeat, yet Chanyeol doesn’t move away.

“Tough day?” Chanyeol asks quietly, his voice rough, once they’re comfortably settled and facing each other. 

Kyungsoo’s eyes are glazed over, staring off at nothing in particular. He exhales, shifting in his position to place a hand underneath the huge pillow where their heads are nestled. “There’s this one difficult client.” Kyungsoo says in a soft voice. “And they’re just so tiring.” 

Chanyeol hums, nodding his head at Kyungsoo. 

“Then Junmyeon suddenly wanted to meet up a while ago, and wanted to patch things up between us.” Kyungsoo tells him, eyes downcast.

Chanyeol never knew the specifics of how Kyungsoo and Jumyeon had their fallout, but all he knows is that it was a messy one. The breakup may be mutual, but it wasn’t very peaceful. “Did you?” Chanyeol’s voice quivers a bit, his anxiety clawing at his throat.

“No,” Kyungsoo exhales, letting his eyelids drop. “We’re done. We were done months ago.”

Relief courses through Chanyeol’s veins, and he exhales a breath he didn’t know he was holding. His heart would surely break if Kyungsoo got back together with Junmyeon. It’s not that he doesn’t like Junmyeon for Kyungsoo, he’s actually a decent and polite guy. Chanyeol just doesn’t want to let Kyungsoo out of his grasp, now that he’s fully aware of his own feelings for him. Sometimes Chanyeol would imagine Kyungsoo coming home to their flat with a new guy yet again, and it just hurts him. He’s had Kyungsoo _all this time_ , he’s had him from the moment they impulsively decided to share a flat to reduce their expenses. 

Chanyeol wants to wake up with Kyungsoo every single day, he wants to see the magnetic poetry on the fridge in straight lines, and he wants to get dragged out of bed at 9AM just to go grocery shopping on weekends. He wants to tell Kyungsoo how he feels, before some other guy breaks Kyungsoo’s walls and steals him away from Chanyeol’s grasp. Still, he’s a bit reluctant since he doesn’t want to make a wrong move and lose him forever. Losing him for a week was basically pure torture already.

He takes a deep breath, and musters all of his courage. “I’ve been thinking,” Chanyeol whispers to Kyungsoo, even though he’s not sure if Kyungsoo’s still awake.

Kyungsoo interrupts him with a snort, his eyes still closed. “Oh wow, you’ve been _thinking_.” He teases.

“Shut up,” Chanyeol groans, his voice sounding so loud in the quiet night. “Oh my god, you ruined it.” He whines, rolling over so his face is flat on the huge pillow they’re sharing.

Kyungsoo’s eyelids slowly flutter open. “Ruined what?”

Chanyeol waits a few seconds, readying himself, before turning over to face Kyungsoo again. “I’ve been thinking about you.”

“What?” His brows are furrowed and his eyes are squinting at Chanyeol in the darkness. “Why?”

“I like you.” Chanyeol confesses, and he has never heard his voice sound so raw. He folds his legs, and hugs them close. He wants to disappear, maybe turn into smoke and just vanish forever so he won’t have to see Kyungsoo ever again. Chanyeol suddenly feels so exposed, so vulnerable, as if he’s giving Kyungsoo the upper hand and the power to crush his heart any time.

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything and just blinks at him. Then he’s sitting up on the bed, and the panic rises inside Chanyeol. “I’m–” Kyungsoo starts to say something, but gets interrupted by Chanyeol’s voice.

“Kyungsoo, wait,” Chanyeol croaks out, and mimics Kyungsoo by sitting on the bed. “Hear me out.” He pleads, and holds on to the blanket on his lap. “I really do like you. The both of us know that I’ve always been super straight–”

“Exactly.”

“But that doesn’t matter, because I don’t like guys anyway.” 

Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows in confusion. His shoulders slowly dropping, his startled gaze softening.

“I can’t imagine kissing other guys either.” Chanyeol adds. “Because the thing is that I like _you_. And you’re the only one I want to kiss.” His face is heating up and his heartbeat is pounding through his ribcage. “I’m so bad at this, but do you get me?” 

He lets out a long exhale before twisting his fingers on Chanyeol’s large pillow. Kyungsoo grabs the pillow, and hurls it towards Chanyeol. “I can’t believe you.” Kyungsoo hisses at him.

Chanyeol gets the pillow off of him and stares at Kyungsoo with wide eyes. What did he do wrong? He blinks quickly, and shifts away from Kyungsoo. 

“I tried _so hard_ to stop my gross feelings for you and then here you are confessing to me in the middle of night.” Kyungsoo mutters angrily.

“I’m sorr–Wait, what?” Chanyeol leans forward. He almost stumbles, but he regains his balance with his palm on the bed.

Kyungsoo’s breathing deeply, trying to calm himself down. If Chanyeol heard and understood it correctly, Kyungsoo just told him that he has feelings for him too. Gross feelings. Chanyeol takes another leap, crossing the line even more. He shifts closer to Kyungsoo, leaning his face towards the smaller boy. Kyungsoo doesn’t back away.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol breathes out. “What did you just say?” His arms are on Kyungsoo’s sides, confining the wide-eyed boy.

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer him, and closes the distance between their lips instead. It all happens too fast for Chanyeol to comprehend and even react to, so it takes him a few seconds before kissing Kyungsoo back. Kyungsoo’s lips are so soft against his, and the way he’s kissing Chanyeol is so gentle and tender, as if he thinks that Chanyeol’s going to break easily. Chanyeol’s hand finds its way to Kyungsoo’s nape and Kyungsoo’s slowly grabbing Chanyeol’s shirt, crumpling the fabric inside his fist. 

They pull away from each other too soon, and Chanyeol almost leans in for another kiss but decides to marvel at the boy in front of him instead. He had always thought that Kyungsoo was attractive, but now it’s like Chanyeol’s realizing for the very first time that Kyungsoo is just beautiful. The dim streetlights and the moonlight filtering through the window are illuminating Kyungsoo’s face, his eyes, his lips, his heaving chest, his collarbones – Chanyeol is in love. The fireworks inside his gut still hasn’t stopped exploding and his heartbeat is still raging on inside his chest.

“You’re so dumb.” Kyungsoo says, a bit too fondly, and smiles at him. His eyes are sparkling even in the darkness, and Chanyeol feels warmth just from Kyungsoo’s gaze.

 

The sound of a rooster wakes Chanyeol up. He blinks at the white ceiling of his room, and hears the sheets rustle. The rooster keeps on crowing for a few more seconds before Chanyeol realizes that it’s the alarm from Kyungsoo’s phone. The phone vibrates on the bedside table, and Chanyeol reaches over to turn it off.

Just when Chanyeol’s putting back the phone on the table, Kyungsoo stirs in his sleep beside him and clings onto Chanyeol tighter. Chanyeol really can’t feel his left arm and he can’t move it either since Kyungsoo’s using it as his own pillow. 

“Kyungsoo, wake up.” Chanyeol tells him, trying to shake his left arm to nudge Kyungsoo’s head. He winces when he feels pins and needles, the numbing and prickling feeling waking him up entirely. 

Kyungsoo groans before slowly opening his eyes. He hums, before sitting up and yawning. 

Chanyeol’s still recovering from the numbness in his arm, trying not to sob from the pain. 

“What do you want for breakfast?” Kyungsoo breathes out as he stretches his arms and cranes his neck sideways. 

Chanyeol purses his lips into a tight smile before sitting up on the bed too. He shifts to position himself just behind Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol snakes his arms around his waist. “You.” He whispers, trying his best to make his voice sound deeper than usual.

Kyungsoo pinches him on his sides and quickly escapes his grasp while Chanyeol’s groaning in pain. He’s shaking his head at Chanyeol in disapproval, but he’s giving him a fond laugh at the same time. 

 

\- - - 

 

A week passes by with Chanyeol adjusting to the newfound giddiness he’s feeling whenever he’s with Kyungsoo. A lot of things doesn’t change between them, Kyungsoo still attacks Chanyeol with punches, and the occasional kicks, and Chanyeol still loves to rile him up even further. But Kyungsoo’s looking at him differently, and he doesn’t hide himself behind his own walls after opening up for a few seconds anymore. He reveals himself completely, all his feelings, all his quirks, and Chanyeol falls in love a bit more. They still go to movies together like they usually do, and they still wash the dishes together – with Chanyeol in charge of scrubbing and Kyungsoo in rinsing. 

The difference is that Chanyeol gets to send butterfly kisses on Kyungsoo neck while he’s cooking, and he doesn’t need to restrain himself from hugging Kyungsoo at the most random moments. Kyungsoo gives him less death glares now (unless Chanyeol being extra annoying to him) and looks at him with so much gentleness instead. And probably the best part about being together is saving water expenses and showering together. They don’t save time though because Kyungsoo would suddenly pull in Chanyeol for a kiss, his hands hidden under the shampoo bubbles on Chanyeol’s hair. 

Kyungsoo still drags Chanyeol out of bed at 9AM to go grocery shopping. All Chanyeol can hear in his mind recently is a symphony of upbeat melodies, and instrumentals that would be perfect for pop songs about falling head over heels for someone. 

“Do we still have milk?” Kyungsoo asks him, walking beside Chanyeol as he stares at the row of carton milks.

“Yeah, we still do.” Chanyeol answers before pushing their cart sideways to make way for an elderly couple passing by. He grabs Kyungsoo by the hand and pulls him closer. He hears laughter from the old couple that just passed by, and Chanyeol turns his head to glance at them. With their hair turning gray and white, they have the happiest smiles on their faces as they slowly push the grocery cart together. Chanyeol wants to grow old with Kyungsoo too. He wants to watch a grumpy Kyungsoo pick vegetables in a very meticulous manner, and he wants to try dyeing both of their hair in crazy colors when the strands start turning gray. He just wants to be with Kyungsoo until they’re both old and wrinkly.

“Hey,” Chanyeol squeezes Kyungsoo’s hand to catch his attention.

Kyungsoo looks at him, eyebrows raised in question. 

_I love you,_ he wants to say. Chanyeol is so in love, and he wants to say it. But it’s stuck in his throat, so he doesn’t force it. He doesn’t say anything, he just stares at Kyungsoo. Maybe the moment just doesn’t feel right, or maybe it’d be better to tell Kyungsoo in the morning, right after he wakes up. But really, Chanyeol isn’t sure how to figure out if it’s The Right Moment. But Chanyeol’s sure that he’s hopelessly in love with Kyungsoo. He just smiles at Kyungsoo, and he feels the corners of his eyes crinkling.

“Stop being weird in public.” Kyungsoo reprimands him yet again. “Come here.” Kyungsoo lets go of Chanyeol’s hand and rests his own hand on Chanyeol’s waist. Kyungsoo pulls him closer, and Chanyeol drapes an arm over Kyungsoo’s shoulders.

Kyungsoo’s looking at Chanyeol, and Chanyeol lets their gaze meet. Kyungsoo’s looking at him like he knows, like he’s fully aware of Chanyeol being so in love with him, even if he doesn’t say it. Kyungsoo looks at him like he’s so in love, too. 

Chanyeol chuckles and drops a quick kiss on Kyungsoo’s forehead before they move on to the next aisle.


End file.
